Hellllooooo….is anybody out there? It’s Renita and I’m here to say that I’m back…again. I know it’s been a long time. I feel kind of like the little lost puppy that wandered off only months later to show up on your doorstep…I just keep on coming back…
Seriouly, I really wasn’t planning on being gone like this. My mom passed away in July. I was coasting right along until August when my kids went back to school, and then grief hit me and it hit me hard. I don’t know how many of you have lost a parent, but it is a profound experience. I didn’t share anything about my mom’s illness on the blog. At the time, it just seemed too personal and I didn’t want it to define me.
My mom became sick a year ago November when she developed a diabetic sore on her ankle from a shoe that rubbed. She thought she could nurse the sore herself and by the time she went to the doctor, she was physically ill and it was discovered the infection had gone to the bone. With her severe diabetes, there was little hope the sore would heal and the doctors wanted to amputate. However, her heart wasn’t strong enough for surgery. After over a months stay in the hospital (with many more to come) they gave her six months to a year to live. She survived eight months.
From that point on, it was a rollercoaster ride with my mom in and out of hospitals, rehab centers and finally a nursing home. I learned so much about the medical system (the good, the bad, and the ugly) and I also learned what it was like to care intimately for the mother who used to care for me. It was humbling and sad to see her health and wellbeing, both physically and in the end, mentally, deteriorate. My dad, who still runs a farm at 75, was overwhelmed with the long hospital stays and constant consultations with doctors. I helped him with that sometimes spending hours on the phone. I also traveled back and forth three hours each way to help care for my mom several times a month. On top of it all the “terrible teens”, as I like to put it, set in with my kids. I know better than to air my kids dirty laundry online, but suffice it to say “little kids, little problems; big kids, big problems”. It was a complete mental and emotional drain.
I coasted right along after her death until my kids went back to school. I don’t know what it was or when it happened, but all of a sudden I just couldn’t do anything. I mean I was able to get all the stuff done that needed to be done, but nothing else. There were days I just sat and stared at my computer for hours. I was almost paralyzed. I think it a combination of emotional exhaustion and an overwhelming sense of loss. The weird thing is if you saw me or knew me you wouldn’t have been able to tell anything was wrong. The first thing to go was my blog.
After a few months, my friends tried to encourage me to get back to blogging. One particularly kind friend even insisted on coming over to take pictures for me. I got all dressed up and she took all these awesome pictures and I couldn’t get the motivation to write a blog post.
It wasn’t until over Thanksgiving when we went on a family vacation that I was able to “reset” my mind. I’ve since been getting my life back in order and I’m finally ready to make my come back.
Spring is the time for new beginnings, and even though it doesn’t look or feel like spring around frigid “Chiberia” (get it ….Chicago/Syberia…), I’m feeling optimistic. I’ve really missed blogging and checking in with all of you.
I’ll be back later this week with all the things you’ve come to expect from My Life While Shopping including what I wore, my latest fashion obsessions (and there are many!), recipes, and funny stories about life, aging, kids, and whatever else is going on. I can’t wait to catch up!