If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my 45 years, it’s you can’t do much to change your God given body type. For me, that’s an apple shape or as some might call “an inverted triangle”. I have broad shoulders and narrow hips. My chest and stomach are definitely bigger in proportion to my hips, legs and thighs. No, there’s no “junk in my trunk”!
While weight training and yoga have helped round out my backside, this baby ain’t got back! (I can’t help it, I have all these rap songs going through my head now…) Whenever I lose weight, the first place it comes off is my tiny little legs and behind. I’ve worked with trainers throughout the years who’ve spent countless hours trying to sculpt me a larger, rounder behind, but I’ve got a small butt you can’t deny (there I go again!).
One day I was sitting on my lovely little lady humps (OMG, I’m sorry…) thumbing through my latest Spanx catalog when this body shaping number caught my eye:
The timing couldn’t have been better. I had just bought that little red knit bum skimming dress that I blogged about from Caché. You know, this one:
Then I read the write up, and I quote…“Spanx introduces its cheekiest product yet—the Booty-Booster Short. This style, which gives a whole new meaning to the phrase fanny pack, is best for those who want more junk in their trunk! Now you can achieve the look of a naturally round rump thanks to this highly constructed, booty-enhancing design with optional butt-lets that add a ‘cheek’ size!”
After giving it some careful consideration…”Is it weird to wear something with butt-lets? (“Butt-lets”, really? Reminds me of cut-lets…) Do I really have the guts to pull this off? Will anybody be able to tell this isn’t my naturally round derrière?” …I decided to place the order.
When I pulled the “Booty-Boosting Short” out of the package, the first thing that got me was the sheer SIZE of the cut-lets, I mean butt-lets!
I decided the best way to test out the product was to wear my new booty booster underneath the dress and see if my husband noticed.
So one night before bed, I decided to model my new dress [and booty] for my husband. I said, “I was thinking of wearing this to the party tomorrow night.” and I twirled around. He’s like, “Wow, I love that dress! Yes, you should definitely wear that tomorrow night.” I could tell he was clearly impressed. I turned to go change thinking this thing was a winner, when my husband said, “Wait a minute, are wearing one of those fake butt things?” “Darn, he notices everything… ” I thought to myself. “Maybe…” I replied. Then I fess up and said, “Yes, what do you think of it? I kind of like it.” He said, “It’s ok, but you don’t need it.” Which to me is code for “yes, I think you should wear it, but I know better than to say that.”
That was all I needed. I was going to wear my new butt! I mean women wear padded bras all the time. Why not a padded butt?
Here’s a before and an after:
I have to admit, I was self-conscious about wearing a fake butt, but I really did love the way it made my little booty look.
That was it, I was going for it! I was going to wear my new butt! And wear it I did. Let me tell you, it was a hoot!
If you know me, you know I had to tell someone at the party about my enhancement. I figured my sister-in-law was safe. Never mind that at this point we’d had a few drinks. She about fell off her chair and by the end of the night we were laughing so hard, we were crying.
First off, when I sat down, the pads didn’t stay nicely placed on my bum. No, they scooted up my back! That definitely gives new meaning to a padded backside! I don’t know if I was wearing them too high or what.
Then after a trip to the bathroom, I was about to walk out when I thought it might be a good thing to run my hands over my butt pads to make sure they were still in place. Here one had gotten all folded up when I pulled the shorts up from going to the bathroom. Can you imagine if I hadn’t noticed and walked out with a big lump on one butt cheek? Not an attractive look.
Then, of course my husband knew I was wearing my butt pads, so he kept grabbing my bottom and trying to pinch me all night, but all he’d get a was a handful of padding. I kept thinking how glad I was to be married. What if I was dating someone? I’d be horrified if my date tried pinching my padded bottom!!
So the bottom line (get it, the bottom line?): If you’ve got a flat booty, the Booty Booster Short works. It’s cheaper and less painful than a Brazilian Butt Lift and it gives a very life-like, and in some cases, enviable backside. Is it without downsides? No. It was really annoying worrying about the pads sliding up when I sat down and folding up when I pulled my shorts up from going to the bathroom Maybe they should consider adding some Velcro to the pads to keep them in place. I don’t know.
Would I wear it again? Sure! When you’re in your 40′s, it all about smoke and mirrors baby!
